I’m gonna be me.

I have to stop living my life hoping that you’ll see me.

Me.

Not the version of me you think that I am, or that I should be. The real me. No masks, full of flaws and exquisitely imperfect.

I have, you know? I’ve been living my life with a persistent crick in my neck from looking back, for your approval, for so long.

That has to stop. It’s an unnecessary straw on the back of an already overburdened camel. It’s overwhelming and will absolutely see me continue to feel off-balance.

So, time to stop. (Easier said than done probably, but at least I’ve come to a point in my life where I recognize it enough to say it.) Time to just be me. Time to write for me, study for me, exercise and eat for me. Time to have the adventures I want to have, my beautiful little family in tow. Time to craft the life I want to live.

I don’t need your approval. I want it, I won’t lie, but I don’t need it.

I’m a gorram BAMF. If there’s something about me that you don’t like, something that doesn’t sit right and you wish that I would change, that’s your burden, not mine. I am who I am and I’m trying very hard to be the best possible version of me.

Not one drop of my self worth(Image found on Pinterest)

Time to get to work.

Billy Talent – Rusted From The Rain

UNT.

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3 thoughts on “I’m gonna be me.

  1. Title of this totally makes me think of the Backstreet Boys song… except that’s “It’s gonna be me.” Close, right?

    Anyway, I love this post. Such an important realization, and so very necessary. “I want it, but I don’t need it.” EXACTLY. So good to recognize this and be able to check yourself when you find that you’re trying, again, to get that approval. I know this feeling and it sucks… but either way, you are fucking awesome and anyone who doesn’t think so can go shove their head up their ass.

    ❤ ❤ ❤ You rock.

    • Hahah! YES. I think it was N*SYNC though, blasphemer. 😀

      Thank you. It was kind of a blather-y post, but I feel like it needed to be said (for me) and published (for me – so I have something to go back to when I have moments of weakness). NOW I can move on. Thank fuck.

      ❤ I heart you. Hard.

      • I AM DEEPLY SHAMED (to be honest, though, I get them mixed up all the time).

        I heart you loads. AND YES. Having this here, in a public place, to be able to look back on is big. Because then you can be like “Yes, I am doing this thing here.” 🙂 ❤

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