Obligatory new year post

Or: no fear.

Happy 2016, folks! I hope your NYE was lovely, safe, and well worth the staying up late part (I was in bed at 2130h. Because of course I was). I hope this year brings you beauty, peace, understanding, adventure, and some real, gritty happiness.

I always want to think that I don’t believe in this “new year, new beginning” rigmarole. I want to think that it’s silly and that January 1st is just another day in a long string of days. But I don’t think that, guess I’m just not that cool. What I hope is that it is a new beginning, because I like beginnings. I like endings, too. I like closing one chapter and opening another. I like fresh sheets of paper with no history scratched into them. I like clean slates.

So, whether it is for you or not, today is a new page for me. I literally opened a new notebook and started scribbling in it today, because it made sense. It made sense not to open something old just to finish it.

I don’t have a word for 2016, I have a phrase. I’m harking back to my ’90s teenager self and going with:

No Fear

(Image found @ thepinballcompany.com)

No fear. (Not “unafraid.” That’s not quite the same.)

Fear is a great thing. It’s useful, it’s a warning, it’s something to be aware of and honour. It is not, however, something to hand complete control over to. Heed it and evaluate. Understand its importance and act accordingly.

For instance, I fell asleep the other night to thoughts of “I need to give up this doula dream. I just [have a lot of excuses that I can grab easily].” It isn’t that the excuses aren’t valid, they could be if I wanted them to be, it’s that I’m afraid. I’m afraid of what it means to be a doula, the time commitment, the (very real, very hard) work (of building a business. The supporting of people part doesn’t worry me), what my life will look like when that is a reality. Thankfully I’ve had a few amazing people tell me a few amazing things recently that I have had be releasing some of that fear and continuing forward.

The same can be said about writing. I’m afraid of writing. Again, there’s a commitment there that doesn’t always make me comfortable, I’m afraid that it is as easy as putting one word in front of another and I’m afraid that it’s not. So, like with doula-ing, I let my fear paralyze me.

This year, I’m going to try to acknowledge my fear, but then move forward. If it is more important to change course and avoid The New (and sometimes it is), then I will do that. If I am afraid because I am finding myself a few feet off of my beaten comfort zone path, I’m going to try to look beyond that and forge on.

With that, goodbye 2015. You were a great year. You brought me great dreams, great understandings, great(er) relationships, and hardships to overcome. I appreciate you and I’m thrilled to have known you. Hello 2016, I hope we can be friends. I like the look of you and I see some greatness in our future together.

Happy new year, kids.

Poison – Nothin’ But A Good Time

UNT.

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5 thoughts on “Obligatory new year post

  1. lahirondelle says:

    Awesome post. I am also torn by New Year’s resolutions. They seem naff and futile to my cynical side (like so many diaries that didn’t even make it to February) and yet my optimistic side feels the new year is such a powerful and appealing time to make much needed changes to my sorry self. I am going for a word this year “beauty” and an affirmation (still being refined, something like : you are beautiful and you create beauty with the world). There is a big old story behind that ha ha.

    • I’m trying to think of days the way I think of New Year’s Day. Every day presents a clean slate. A fresh start. I know that some days I go to sleep with this gnawing, gaping, awful hopeless feeling, but sometimes I’m able to work on it while I sleep and it seems a little less gnawing and awful when I wake up. And then I’m greeted by a chipper little “want a hug!” (because my son is alllllllllllllllllllllllll about hugs and cuddles) and things are, again, brighter. It’s not always easy and it’s not always there, and sometimes my cynical side scoffs, but I want to work on that “new day, new beginning” mindset. I don’t know – mindfulness? Appreciation? Whatever it is, I think that I can let disappointments and misfortunes of yesterday stay in yesterday and work on appreciating today and allowing myself to start again. So I didn’t write that notebook page yesterday, or read my doula books, that’s okay. Time to forgive and work on that today. (Or tomorrow, depending on today.)

      I’M RAMBLING.

      I love “beauty.” And you are beautiful and you do create beauty in the world. What you bring is beauty. Look at what you do for me. 🙂 You’re keeping me honest, and a bit more focused (NOT an easy task these days). That’s truly beautiful for me. But in all seriousness, that fits really nicely and I love it. I hope it persists. 🙂

  2. Cristina says:

    High five! I’m all over the “new year, new you” because it is the start of something new for me. Fear held me back (fear of the unknown) and so far I’m in the best mood I’ve been in for weeks, maybe months. Jumping into the unknown is so scary but it may be the best decision you’ve ever made.

    • Yuuuuuuup! It’s all about that “magic happens outside of your comfort zone” thing, I think. So far, so good. Mostly. (It’s not easy to fit wants into this schedule, but I’m trying and that’s half the battle.)

      I LOVE that you’re having such a good year so far and you’re happy! That is wonderful and thrilling and about time. 🙂 Good job, woman. ❤

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